(Approx 4 minute read)
Motherhood, initially, was not something I was good at. Some women dream of becoming mothers and naturally find ways to soothe their babies and innately understand their cries. This was NOT me. I felt a lot of love for my baby, but I also felt like each day was a struggle to change all the diapers, complete all the breastfeeding sessions and bottle feeds (more on that in another post!) and also stay sane. Motherhood required SO MUCH from me. Or rather, I felt like there was just so much LESS TIME for regular things…like eating, showering, keeping things clean and the simple act of reading a book (which I loved).
And I did have help initially, for the first 2 weeks postpartum, but then my husband went back to work and it was just me the majority of the time.
Aah, just me and the baby. It was there that I learned what I was made of.
It was in this space that I started thinking about motherhood in a new way. As mothers we hear about how hard mothering is...how it’s something to “get through”. “What if that’s all bullsh*&^?”, I thought. “What if there’s something better? What if it’s beautiful?”
As I contemplated all these new ideas I realized…
Motherhood is a craft.
Something you develop and cultivate. It takes time to do this. It takes research. It takes talking with other mothers. It takes boundaries, quietness with your thoughts, writing things down. Sussing out what kind of mother you'd like to be.
So I began the “experiment”. I started envisioning how I wanted my life. Really seeing it in my mind, even as the laundry was in piles in the living room and the trash needed to go out and the dishes seemed to be growing new types of penicillin.
How my house would look, how I would look, but mainly…how I wanted to FEEL. I wanted to enjoy motherhood. I wanted to take joy in caring for my baby. I wanted to feel as good as I felt before becoming pregnant…RIGHT NOW. (Patience…yes, had to cultivate that one.)
So I started writing it all down. With photos. I created a Pinterest board for the motherhood experience I wanted. Once I got a clear vision, I started figuring out what steps to take. Very tiny steps. And slowly it all started coming together. The days began to feel easier and less challenging. I started to feel accomplished in what I was taking on and I started FEELING BETTER about being a mother.
What steps did I take? In the beginning, very few. My time was spent keeping my little human alive and this didn’t leave much time for anything else. But I did read. 5 minutes at a time. Countless books.
I will talk more about the actual steps that helped me in future posts - so stayed tuned and join the mailing list here .